Dotted lines, inconsistency’s in ink or paint – depending on where they were – one false move and you could slip right through the break. Leaving you unable to come back and have things the way they were.

I guess I should have thought things a bit more – with logic and not my heart – when Hamilton forced me to sign on the dotted line, sign the papers that would take away my immortality and make me this weak and human girl.

But I didn’t, not a second thought or regret crossed my mind when I wrapped my arms around him and felt his warm skin against mine.

Gone. All of it. I’ve nothing left, signed it all away with a flick of my wrist. But why?

For love…I think.

Is that what mortals call this feeling that’s lurching in my gut every time Lindsey leaves to go on some mission against Angel, another screw to his plan.

Or maybe it’s this feeling in my gut that I had since they took him away… I’ve forgotten how many day’s it’s been, one day it too much for me. No, I’m not some clingy girlfriend or anything but Lindsey is just not ‘gone’ or ‘away’ somewhere.

He’s in some Wolfram and Hart holding cell and they’re doing only hell knows what to him. I can’t stand the thought knowing what I know from being liaison to the Partners and knowing that he’s down there…alone. And oh god – he’d never admit to it – scared.

I need him. I have to be near him, somehow. Touch him, hold him. Have him hold me while we lie to each other and say it’ll be ok when we both know it won’t be. As long as Angel is around nothing will ever be ok again.

The papers were signed, I was human – weakly mortal – and things weren’t making a lot of sense anymore. Pieces and parts were becoming blank and empty when I tried to remember them. Things and people that I should remember were now fuzzy and illogical. It didn’t make any sense, nothing did.

There was only one clear thought that I still had – and I clung to it like it was all I had left, because it was – that was Lindsey. He is the one memory that I knew to be true, the one image inside my mind that didn’t fade or go blank when I thought of him.

But there were other things – things I’d learned about him through the firm – that I didn’t or couldn’t remember anymore. Things I knew that I knew at some point were gone, like someone had taken the etch-a-sketch and flipped it over, erasing everything that was there. But if you looked close enough you could see the faint traces of what once was there.

Out of pure desperation I decided to go to one of Angel's men...or former friend. I'm unsure, he hasn't been to the office from what I've heard and I've also been told he isn't all that...well. If there's one thing I knew still was how to manipulate; I could use the situation to my advantage and get somewhere.

I wanted to see Lindsey - that's all I knew.

The need to see Lindsey out weighed my fear of the partners. I needed to, I needed to know that he wasn’t some memory that was going to fade like everything else seemed to be.

I was terrified – the girl who never got scared…before – of walking out of my apartment, but I did. I had to, for him. Everything I did was for him, all of it. I dressed in one of the many fancy outfits that I wore when I worked for the firm, the craving to wear one of Lindsey's shirts for comfort dug at me; but I kept it at bay.

It wasn't long before I found myself standing there, at his doorstep just waiting. What, was I waiting for him to suddenly feel me there and open the door with open arms? I wouldn't be a welcomed guest.

The only thing I could hope was he would understand my pain and need to see the person I loved. He had lost his and...I could play on that. I'm sure I could; I'm made of the partners and I know things - the ways of men and women - I can work things to my advantage...

Or die trying.

Running my fingers through my hair I stared out the window over looking the city. Sighing in distaste and crossing my arms over my chest I turn around, looking over the office.

Nothing looks unusual to the naked eye: big expensive desk, big boardroom table, over sized leather chairs, a stocked bar for clients if they want drinks – and they always do. Everything looks fine and normal for a law office, right down to the staplers and business cards on the desk.

But there are things here that don’t fit, I know there are. I can tell. Special Wolfram and Hart tempered glass, keeps vampires from getting extra crispy from the sun. And that forsaken office plate that I want to hurl across the room every time I see it.

Angel - CEO

He doesn’t belong here; I still don’t understand why the partners wanted him here. Then again Daddy doesn’t tell me everything, he’s always telling me that I’m too young and I need to learn. I’m over – ok just over – a century old, I’m an immortal. I have a right to know these things. I need to know everything especially if I’m supposed to keep everything working smoothly.

( Plotting Schemes.... )

I sighed in frustration – I seemed to be doing that a lot now that these wanna-be goodie-goodie freaks took over this firm. This place needs to be run by evil hands, not by these goodies with their coddling gloves, hoping to change evil by being on the inside.

That’s just stupid.

None of that really matters; Angel isn’t part of the equation right now even though his nameplate still sits on the desk.

Angel is gone and I couldn’t be happier. He hurried off on some…I’m not even sure, not that I really care to know right now. He’s gone and he left Wesley of all people in charge.

Wesley seems like the smart choice, if you’re thinking book brains. But he doesn’t know how to play this game, this is a deadly game here at Wolfram and Hart and I know Daddy and the other Partners aren’t going to be pleased when they find out that their biggest investment isn’t around for them to make squirm.

I sigh and stand up from the couch in Angel’s office, knowing that with Angel gone and Wesley in place that the pawns will be easier to move around and that made this the perfect time to get my plan into action.

First things first, I needed some of my own reinforcements.

My heals echo against the hallway as I make my way down to one of the secluded offices, no sign of someone taking up space in here as I slip in and flip my phone open, dialing an old friend from school who was as good at scheming as we were partying. “Hey, Linz? Remember that favor you owe me? Hop on a plane and pay up.”

Everything hurt; all I felt was pain inside me. But there was an even greater feeling of pressure on my body; I didn’t need to open my eyes to know that I was pinned down by rubble and who knows what else.

With a groan I blinked my eyes open to see nothing but black. I franticly started to push things away to realize they weren’t so heavy as I thought after all; they fell away with ease as I found my way to my feet.

I brushed the dust off of the shirt of Lindsey's I borrowed before he left me to go fight Angel and his mindless friends. I didn’t understand Lindsey's desire towards Angel but I knew that it was a battle I would almost never win; his obsession with Angel was far worse than the way he focused on Darla years ago.

My hands closed into fists as I stretched my back, twisting and trying to assess the damage around me. It was quite obvious to anyone that the building was in shambles and there wasn’t a soul left in the building; anyone who was unfortunate to stay behind was obviously dead.

Why wasn’t I?

Wait a minute.

Blinking a few times I placed my hand over my heart and waiting for that beating that I was slowly becoming friends with since Hamilton as liaison replaced me. It wasn’t there anymore; my heart wasn’t beating.

I don’t understand.

Here I was standing here in what was once the LA branch of Wolfram and Hart and yet my heart wasn’t beating anymore, everything inside me felt strange.

Could the Partners have decided to change me back? Did they make me immortal again so I could help them rebuild and start new? Did they change their minds and decide to make Lindsey head of LA like he was supposed to?

I hate being filled with questions.

I rotated my neck a bit, wincing at the soreness of my muscles before carefully heading towards the door to Angel’s office and into the lobby. Everything was in even worse shape than the last room; I was surprised the building was even standing by looking around. Beams and wires hung, electrical wires sparked to show they were live and just waiting to cause more chaos.

“Hello?” my voice sounded strange as it echoed through the empty lobby of the seventeenth floor. There was no answer, not that I was expecting any.

Quietly I made my way through the lobby, stepping over my replacement’s body without so much as a pause. I was immortal again; Daddy made me immortal because he knew I was right for the job they created me for; it’s obvious by the way Hamilton’s body is lying twisted on the floor at my feet.

I paused at his feet, inhaling deeply at the sharp sweet smell that filled my nose; it was something that I thought I should know but I couldn’t place it. Maybe it was because of the change; my body needs to adjust or something. It’s not like I remember much about when I was first immortal before, then again I wasn’t human anytime before that so that was all I new.

Using my hand I brushed my hair away from my face, spotting scratches all along my wrist and forearm that I couldn’t remember where I got it from. In time I’m sure everything will come back to me; even all the secrets about the firm that I know. Things like that do come in handy when you’re trying to gain more power; it’s the kind of power that Lindsey and I will soon have together.

I cracked my neck and felt another pull, I reached up to rub it and felt another sharp pain that made me gasp. “What the…” Looking down at my hand I saw the faint trace of blood from what seemed like a healing wound. Quietly I walked over to the elevator door’s to glance in their reflection only to find that I didn’t have one.

There’s the possibility of changes; lots of them tonight but this…this is…I can’t quite grasp what’s going on.

It then dawn’s on me what must have happened; small flashes and glimmers of a vague memory flood my mind and leaving me with the knowledge that I might be immortal but it’s not the partner’s doing.

I was turned. Someone turned me and now…

A grin finds its way to my lips and turns into a twisted smile. I have not only my immortality back, but I’m free from the partners and this firm. I’m free to have my life with my Southern boy…

The idea to up and leave LA fills me for a moment before an even greater idea fills my veins. What better way to get my revenge then to stay here in LA and bring back this building from its obvious shambles...

My thoughts were turned away from future plans and brought straight on into the present. And presently I was hungry and I needed to find food and quickly; even the thought of finishing off whatever Hamilton had left in his body was becoming appealing at the moment. I wasn’t going to have him as my first meal; he was a mere leftover.

I quickly made my way down and out of the building, running my fingers through my hair to make myself seem somewhat presentable for the club I was about to enter. It didn’t take me long to find a quiet corner, a drink and some guy who was more than half drunk to buy me another drink.

“Why hello there.” My voice was soft as silk; I watched observantly as he moved as close as his barstool would let him. “What’s your name?”

“Let’s not worry about names cupcake. How about we go up ‘n dance?” I would have slapped him for calling me such a ‘cute’ name; but the hunger in my stomach was becoming too much for me to be picky.

I slipped off of the stool and popped the cherry from my drink in my mouth as I smiled sweetly at him. “Sure.” Pulling off Lindsey’s shirt I left it on the seat as I let the man take my hand and lead me onto the floor.

He held me too close for the beat of the song; but I was more interested in dancing to the beat of his heart, the idea of draining him dry to feed the hunger and get a nice alcohol buzz at the same time thrilled me. I felt like a child…or like I did when Lindsey first took me to a carnival.

I wonder if his blood will be sweet and sticky like the cotton candy Lindsey made me try…

My meal pulled me closer, his hands pulling slightly at the back of my shirt. I was losing patients for this and the idea of another mans hands on me that wasn’t Lindsey made me feel… something I didn’t want to feel. No more games.

“‘Cmon baby, be my perfect drug,” I whisper against the boy’s neck, grinding a bit harder against him as I danced. I could feel his hands move down my back until they gripped my ass, keeping me tightly to him as he moved us back towards one of the darkened corners of the club.

“Oh, I’ll give you just what you need little one.” His breath was hot and stank of too many breath mints mixed with liquor. He started pawing at me, moving his lips over my skin and I let the hunger craving overtake me.

My face started to shift and twist into my newest form of my existence; the muscles in my face turning as my fangs pushed their way through my gums and sinking into his flesh. He groaned and I quickly covered his mouth with my hand, drinking greedily from his veins as his struggles became weaker under me.

I ripped my fangs from his flesh and licked my lips dry, a wicked smirk on my face as my demon face returned to its hiding place. “Much better,” I purred to the corpse at my feet as I toed it away in distaste.

With my stomach full and the new demon living inside me at rest I slipped back on Lindsey’s shirt and headed for the back door of the club, making my way out onto the street and heading straight for our hideout. I could feel the rumble between Angel’s gang and the Partners subsiding for the moment; both sides obviously wounded and without a doubt both sides were preparing for the next round of fighting.

It didn’t matter to me now; I knew Lindsey would be coming home to me soon and we’d work on the life we had planned for after the war; little did either of us plan for all these new changes. Maybe now that things are different I can talk him into staying in LA; we could take over Wolfram and Hart and raise it to all its wicked glory. The way it was supposed to be, the way it was meant to be before Angel and his rejects took over the firm.

Pacing around the room of our hide-away I watched as the sun came up. I could feel the prickle grow in my spine as the sun started to rise along with panic inside me. I quickly made my way around our apartment and closed all the blinds and curtains in such quickness that I didn’t know I was capable of. I couldn’t have burns from the sun on my skin when Lindsey showed up; I’m good with spinning tales but I would have no way to explain those marks to Lindsey, he’d know too well.

I gazed at the closed curtains as the craving to get out started to creep into me; but I knew I couldn’t leave. I had to wait for my boy, wait for him to get here so we can start planning our revenge and our way out of here. Lindsey would worry if I wasn’t here when he came; I knew he’d be coming for me too. The last thing I needed was him to come out looking for me; not to mention this is our safe place and the Partner’s couldn’t find us.

The stench of his blood made it’s way to my nose long before I could see him in the doorway. Licking my bottom lip I made sure to keep myself in check; Lindsey doesn’t need to know about this new…change in me. Not yet anyhow.

He called for me a few times as he made his way through our apartment covered with carefully drawn out ruins. I ran my fingers through my hair to mess it a bit as I hugged his shirt closer to me, waiting another moment as the worry crept deeper into his voice.

“Lindsey?” I whispered, that helpless tone that I acquired when I became human seeping past my lips. “Oh god, I’m so glad you’re ok!” I quickly went up to him and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. “I was worried.” My face buried in his neck; his rapid pulse separated by such a thin layer of skin. It’d be so easy to just…

sur-vive:
- To remain alive or in existence.
- To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere
- To remain functional or usable

What does survive and survival really mean? Making it from one moment to the next for some people could be a meaning of survival in a way, giving them a small triumph over whatever inner turmoil they are dealing with.

There are more important things to think about surviving when living in my world. An all out war on a secret society compiled of the most powerful evils on this planet is what comes to mind.

Hell on earth was unleashed by the firm when Angel decided to wage a war against The Black Thorn.

Why did he think he could win? I don’t understand how he could have honestly believed that he could fight them and win. Then again I think that was the point - to fight to the death – a suicide mission. Even at the expense of his life, the lives of his friends and those who fought beside him. Vampire or not he wasn’t invincible; vampires aren’t much more then humans. Even with a soul.

A vampire is still a vampire, if not more fragile then humans with their vulnerability’s to sunlight and wood. How invincible could you really be if you could be easily disposed of by a bucket of blessed water?

No matter how much the firm put into my mind when I was a liaison I still couldn’t rationalize that, any of it; even now as a human.

I don’t know why I thought that Lindsey and I could win against Wolfram and Hart in secret. Not just them, but Angel and his band of almost do-good freaks as well. We actually had the notion that together we could bring them down and Lindsey would end up where he belonged; running Wolfram and Hart in stead of running from them. Me of course at his side and out from under the firm’s grasp.

Thinking back I realize that there were too many cards stacked against us, too much weighing down and crushing us under it before we could make our way in. So many things left unsaid and not worried about…questions unasked and left unanswered.

What’s going to happen tomorrow?

Where are we going to go?

Do we have a future together?

Lindsey, do you really love me or was I just a tool to get back at Angel?

But he didn’t want to dwell on things, he said he was content on making love to me in that office, whispering in my ear all the things we would do after the battle and how much of human life he’d prove I was missing. Teasing me with the image of him making me this domestic housewife, one who cooked and raised our kids on some desolate farm in Oklahoma.

All the while, blocking out the world and living in our fairytale.

”We don’t live in a fairytale.”

He didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand why he was helping Angel now after everything. It was Angel’s fault that Lindsey was sucked into that hell dimension where he had his heart cut out daily for weeks. Angel ruined our plans and now Lindsey wanted to help Angel with his…

Never will I understand his desire and loyalty to Angel; I’ve long since gave up trying.

All chances of understanding and learning about this human life that was never experienced but drilled into my head was gone. One simple action snatched it all away from me.

Everything I ever wanted and dreamed of having died last night; it died with Lindsey when he didn’t come back to me. Maybe it died even before that; it could have been the time that he called me Darla in his sleep… or that night I came home to our apartment he only wanted to know what was going on with Angel.

I stood in that building and looked out of the window, watching the sky fade before it grew bright again. Not with the sun, but with fire and rage that only the Senior Partners could invoke. It crumbled beneath me, in front of me and then finally above me…

”Go where?”

I guess it comes down to…I didn’t survive last night.

Muse: Eve
Time Line: NFA
Word Count: 723